Ebook I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead, by Byron Katie, Mic
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead, by Byron Katie, Mic
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In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your Love—Is That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection.
The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills—how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren’t. This approach doesn’t work. It leaves millions of walking wounded—those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.
I Need Your Love—Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most—the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover’s tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you’ve based your whole life on—and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.
“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love—seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.
This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship.” —Byron Katie
From the Hardcover edition.
- Sales Rank: #17447 in Books
- Brand: Katie, Byron/ Katz, Michael
- Published on: 2006-11-28
- Released on: 2006-11-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .60" w x 5.20" l, .46 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
- Three Rivers Press CA
From Publishers Weekly
Katie reintroduces the form of self-questioning called "The Work" that she originally presented in Loving What Is, but here she tackles relationships—and what spoils them. According to Katie (writing with the help of Katz, who is also her agent), rather than seeking love and approval from others, you need to find them in yourself. What often blocks that love is one's perception of reality: "If you believe your stressful thoughts, your life is filled with stress. But if you question your thoughts, you come to love your life and everyone in it." "The Work" is central to the process of taking a judgmental thought—such as "my partner is supposed to make me happy"—and subjecting it to four powerful questions, such as "Is it true?" and "Who or what would I be without the thought?" Then Katie suggests turning the thought around and considering different options, such as making yourself happy and making your partner happy. Finally, she suggests ways to find love and acceptance in yourself. Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable. (On sale Mar. 22)Forecast:A 15-city author tour should help launch this to the sales levels of Loving What Is (110,000 copies in cloth and paper).
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Katie's first self-help book, Loving What Is (2001), was a best-seller. This volume applies her method, called "the Work," and uses it to help readers resolve issues concerning love. The Work consists of asking oneself three questions about a troubling issue and then turning the premise around and asking the opposite questions. Adherents of this technique who read the first book probably don't need this one, since it covers much of the same territory. As before, the text takes the form of dialogues between Katie and those practicing the Work, thus demonstrating how asking the questions and evaluating the answers yield results. For instance, a woman who felt her father didn't love her gains insights about her own attitudes toward him and herself through asking not why didn't he love her but why didn't she love him. This technique seems so simple that it's hard to make a whole book out of it, but like most self-help gurus, Katie, with the aid of coauthor Katz, manages just fine. Ilene Cooper
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
From the Inside Flap
In "Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, "I Need Your Love--"Is That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection.
The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills--how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren't. This approach doesn't work. It leaves millions of walking wounded--those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.
"I Need Your Love--"Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most--the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover's tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you've based your whole life on--and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.
"Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except whenit's terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love--seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people's love, thinking that's just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.
This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn't in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship." --Byron Katie
"From the Hardcover edition.
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
A powerful tool for over-thinkers!
By Darin Agnew
I read this book after a break up, and I felt like a total moron for not being able to figure this stuff out. I had spent hours and hours trying to think my way out of emotional problems, with no success. Byron Katie's four questions are the tool that over thinkers like me need. Done and done!
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
My family says I've changed... for the good.
By Reviews from KC in VA
This was a much needed mindset shift in a time of change and challenge. If you feel as if all is out of control and especially out of your control, read any (better yet, all) of Katie's books and you'll realize that you have power you didn't realize.
It was a huge mind shift for me as I was in the middle of a marriage separation and believing myself to be the victim of the situation. It's taken a few years of study and doing "the Work" (perhaps that seems long? still, everyone works through it within their own time table) and have found that I was making MYSELF into a victim through my thoughts and then actions.
Now, after working through my beliefs, my family says that I'm so much more peaceful and I really listen to them (though I thought I had always been listening to them!) and that they were uncomfortable coming to me with their problems, for fear of my reaction - and now they feel free to do so. The biggest bonus for me is that I finally have peace in my mind and heart, and if I find a thought that disturbs me I go right back to the Work and make sure that I'm working on myself and leave all others to work on themselves without my well intentioned yet unneeded "help".
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
Saved My Marriage
By A. Kirst
A few months ago, my husband said that he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. He promised to go to marriage counseling but was skeptical that we could make it work.
I picked up Katie Byron's book, and I immediately began to recognize how I'd been contributing to my own unhappiness.
In reading the dialogues in the book, I came to the realization that at that moment, I wanted to be married, and that's what I was: married. Instead of despairing about what could happen in the future, I decided to enjoy my marriage for however long it lasted. I didn't pressure my husband to make a decision, I just enjoyed every moment that I had with him.
I also started to take more responsibility for my happiness.
I came to understand that my husband was his own person and that how he spent his time and who he spent it with were his business. I no longer cared if he worked long hours because I wasn't depending on him to make me happy. Instead, I joined groups in the community, made new friends and pursued hobbies.
Without Katie's book, I would have taken a different, less productive approach to the situation. I would have said to him, "If you don't know if you want to be married to me, then I don't want to be married to you, because I deserve better."
Because of the changes in the way I approached things, because I was able to stop getting angry and try to control what my husband did, my marriage improved. Now, our relationship is better than ever.
I still struggle sometimes to let things go, but I can see that I am a much easier person to be around. I'm not critical of him. I treat him as I would a friend, and I accept him for who he is.
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